Public Solitude

Posted on 12 Oct 2023 @ 4:20pm by Lieutenant Commander Remington Dodd

804 words; about a 4 minute read

- Dodd's Quarters on the USS Tomcat -

[ON]

Dodd had been able to keep in the shadows so to speak. He as able to fulfill his duties and yet keep to himself. He had been dealing with lots of doom in his mind and yet the resurfacing of he heartbreak as he enjoyed the new romance he formed with Autumn.

He had been keep track of duty rosters and shift tasks as well as monitoring the Engineering Department because he was an engineer at heart and never really has been able to totally separate that aspect of his personality.

"Computer, Begin a personal log." Dodd requested of the computer.

The Computer then chimed to begin recording.

"I have been working and dealing with my depression and not sharing it with the crew. I have been keeping my mind busy during my shifts and not letting any of the crew know what I have been dealing with. I have even managed to keep Lamia in the dark which was surprising with how close our minds are.

I know that depression is not a matter to be taken lightly and yet I feel that had I gone to see a therapist, I would have made myself more depressed. Recently, in my relationship with Autumn part of my mind would try to have me think of her Iria and that made me spiral a bit. Then I had few bad dreams where I was a witness to my own birth which is when I lost my mother and the grief of never knowing her made me increase the spiral. Then one night I dreamt of my father and step-mother and the accident that took them from my half sister and myself.

I also realized in the midst of this spiral of my despair that I was not who I thought I was. I consider myself to be a man's man and friend to all. I know I can be intimidating to some but generally I felt I was liked by all. Colonel Somers seems like a straight forward woman and yet I feel that I have a better relationship with the crew which is good since I am the XO and they all need to be able to approach me with their concerns and such. I do my best to be as open with the crew as I can be. I do my best to make the CO proud of me as her XO. I do my best to make Autumn know I am a man that will be there for her if she ever needs anything. When it comes to Autumn, I can say for a non-telepathic human, I am more amazed by her on every date we have than I was on the previous date. She knows I can read her thoughts which I do not do on purpose but because of her, I know I am at least doing something right.

Anyway, I am finally going to get myself back out in the open and attempt to re-establish myself in my role of XO. I will get the staff and crew to realize that you can have times of distress in your life and yet you have a family so to speak to help you get through it even if you don't share that distress with them openly. My distress or despair was a personal fight for me and I chose to keep it inside or in private. I knew that my crew and staff on the Tomcat were still there to support me even if they were unaware. Colonel Somers has been an amazing mentor and Commanding Officer, I do enjoy working under her and only hope to be the best at supporting her as we move onward. I will continue to strive to have one foot in the future and yet I will always have one foot in the past. History is only there for us to drawn strength from to help us make the future a better place."

"Computer end personal log." Dodd requested of the computer.

The computer then chimed and ended the recording.

"Computer file personal log to my file and encode for supervisor review if necessary." Dodd commanded of the computer.

Dodd then walked over to get his uniform on as he had to be dressed to leave his quarters and assume his duties. He pulled on his left boot then his right and stood tall and approached the door and exited his quarters to head to the bridge as the day was new and he felt he had the strength to approach the day to see what new adventures awaited him and the crew of the Tomcat.


[OFF]

 

RSS Feed