Being chased

Posted on 19 Oct 2023 @ 6:20pm by Lieutenant Lamia ‘Mia’ Kildare & Lieutenant JG Margeurite "Maggie" LeFebvre

1,779 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: General Sim Postings
Location: Counsellor’s Office

Lamia sighed as she sat at her desk, she hadn’t heard from or seen Lieutenant LeFebvre. Tapping her comm badge she wasn’t giving any chances this time.

=/\= Arderne to LeFebvre please report to my office. =/\=

Maggie looked up from where she sat in the cockpit of her shuttle, double-checking her consoles from the work the mechanics did. They did a good job, but she was a bit of a control-freak and had to recheck everything.

Crap. The psychologist. She'd been avoiding her yearly meeting. Guess she couldn't anymore. She jumped out of the seat and shouted to the Air Boss.

"Gotta go, that's the damn Counselor," she said. She stepped out of the flight suit she wore to protect her uniform, and smoothed her tunic. Stupid, ugly thing it was. She made her way from the Hangars to medical, taking her time.

Finally, she was there, and rang the chime. "Lt. LeFebvre. You wanted to see me?" She sighed.

Lamia offered a polite nod as she greeted Maggie. “I do indeed Lieutenant, please sit and make yourself comfortable. I realise evaluations aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but avoiding them gets you nowhere but into trouble.”

"Trouble is where I like to be," Maggie quipped. Trouble with men, particularly, but any distraction would do. "Anyway. Here I am. As per my file, I am fine, I don't need counseling, yes, my parents are both dead, I deal with it by flying, running, and inappropriate relationships with men, and I don't want to stop doing that," she said. "Anything I missed?" Unlike most other officers, Maggie didn't avoid counselors because she worried about her mental health affecting her ability to work, it was because she didn't like to talk about the hard things. She'd run her whole life relying solely on the "blonde ditz" persona she'd built for herself, and it had worked for her so far.

Lamia offered a wry smile as she gave Maggie a look. “No you haven’t missed a thing, I guess you’ve been hiding behind your defences long enough to believe you have things well in hand huh?”

She nodded. "It's worked ok for me for fifteen years. I don't see any reason to stop now. But you know what I WILL discuss, Counselor? I had to watch people fall out of the sky today. By the missiles I fired. So forgive me if I am a little...touchy. Knowing that you're the reason that someone's loved one isn't coming home is a bit tough, even though I'd rather it be them than me. I have an uncle still alive, but while my parents are gone, I have a lot to live for," she said. She sighed deeply, but showed no other emotions. She had learned a long time ago to compartmentalize things. It went into the same file in her brain that the rest of her losses had, never to be reopened.

“I’m sorry that’s an awful thing to have to witness and know.” Lamia paused. “You may have fired the missiles but you were ordered to do so, which doesn’t make it your fault. Don’t bury your memories or emotions, it’s important to feel those emotions.”

Maggie nodded. "I know," she said. "I don't have any emotions around that. I did what I had to do to stay alive," she said. It sounded cold but it was true. "But thank you. I am just annoyed that it had to come to that. Like everyone, I do prefer a more diplomatic approach," she said.

“Of course” Lamia nodded as she relaxed back in her seat. “So you’re one of those people who hides behind a well practiced persona aren’t you? What you feel gets buried down deep, hidden away for another day, another time, but never really gets faced.” She gave Maggie a knowing look. “That is something we are going to tackle.”

Maggie paused, the look on her face looked like someone had hit her. She sighed.
"I guess you could say that, yes," she said. "I was taught very early in my life that appearances could get you far, sometimes even further than smarts or wit," she said. "I mean outward appearances. My mother was very beautiful, a model and dancer, and my father was a businessman. Pretty girls learn early that smiles can open doors. For me, I wanted a bit more than that, but it helps that I look like this, too." She said. "The rest is...yes. Carefully crafted. I learned a long time ago that if I play the role of the dumb blonde, people expect less of me, so they're very surprised when I achieve things. How do you think I've managed to become a fully vested pilot so quickly?" She asked.

Lamia smiled. “I’m not mocking your choices, we all have our own way of dealing with what life throws at us. Trust me I know what it’s like to want to just bury your feelings and have done with it. Some people can live that way, for others it’s extremely detrimental, you’ve obviously found a way to keep going and that says a lot for your strength of character. I would, however, like to help you face things instead of burying them.”

Maggie nodded a little. "I can try," she said, doubtfully. Facing things meant work. Maggie didn't like to do that kind of thing. It was easier when you kept your feelings hidden and focused on the here and now. Besides, she couldn't change anything, why try?! "Also, I got an injury, so I can't fly for a bit, so. That doesn't help my mood," she said. "Flying is all I know. I am TERRIBLE at Bridge work-I can't be idle," she said.

“Well it’s something you’ll need to work on as well then” Lamia smiled warmly. “You don’t like to face what you can easily avoid do you?”

Maggie shook her head. "No. Why should I? Why can't things just be happy all the time?" She asked. "I just want to fly, and enjoy my time in this plane of existence," she said. "I don't want to be bogged down by....feelings," she said. She said the words as if she were describing excrement, including a wrinkle of her pert little nose.

“I can understand that, but not expressing your feelings may come back to haunt you.” Lamia offered a calming smile. “What I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong with getting on with your life, but when, or if, you do need to let those emotions out make sure you do.”

Maggie shrugged. "I do. I run in the gym everyday, or the holosuite," she said. "And I fly. That's what I like to do. Running helps me to feel," she said. "Working through the cramps and pain really is healing."

Lamia nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad that you have a way that works for you. Now is there anything you’d like to ask me?”

Maggie sighed. She wanted to say no, but she had a feeling that if she kept resisting, she'd be forced to come back. "Yeah, got any tips I can use to remind myself to eat? Medical is on my ass about my weight," she said. She was underweight. She didn't have an eating disorder, per se, she just preferred to eat low-calorie, low fat foods, and was a bit obsessed with her appearance.

“Ahh problems with your weight, I’d say looking at you they’re wanting you to gain weight.” Lamia smiled. “You obviously like to have a good figure, don’t all we women! However if they’re chasing you it’s for a good reason. Might I suggest you get yourself into a daily routine, you can set the computer to remind you and your replicator to dispense nutritional trays of recommended foods. You can always change it around, or add things to it so you don’t get fed up with it.”

Maggie tensed a moment. "Yeah, I can try that," she said. "Then I have to be disciplined enough to leave the Hangars," she said. "Like most of us, I am...obsessed with work, and I'd rather wait until after my shift. Still. I'll make the effort." ANYTHING to ensure she didn't have to do this again. "Yes, it's underweight...about five or six pounds. I am just active," she said. "I don't like to carry too much extra weight-not just for appearances' sake, but because it causes a bit of extra drag on the planes and shuttles, and that's a few extra precious seconds I could use to battle-or get where I am going," she said.

Lamia nodded. “Have you spoken to the medical staff regarding that point? Are they willing to give you a little leeway?”

She nodded. "Yeah. They only care about regulations and things," she said. "My mother dealt with disordered eating so I know to be really careful with how I treat my relationship with food, but I wish that they wouldn't bother me about it so much. I DO eat. I just don't eat when they want me to. Sometimes, it's later in the day before I do," she said. "I do much better when I am on Beta shifts-something about the quietness of the evenings helps, I think," she said.

Lamia nodded. “Well let’s keep an eye on that, keep a diary for me so I can see when and what you eat. At least that way I may be able to get you some breathing space.” She smiled warmly.

She nodded. "I can do that," she said. "Thank you." She sat there. There wasn't anything else she wanted to say. She was still upset about having to be here, but not as bad as earlier.

“My pleasure” Lamia smiled warmly. “I think I’ve held you up long enough for today, but I will want to see you again. Just keep that food diary for me, and if there’s anything else you think I need to know make a note of that too.”

Maggie nodded. "Alright. Thank you." Silently, she showed herself out.

Lamia watched Maggie go, hoping she’d gained some trust, and wouldn’t have to keep chasing her. No doubt time would tell.

{OFF}

 

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