Just need a nap.

Posted on 12 Jul 2021 @ 8:43pm by Staff Sergeant Lilliana Hawksley & Captain Patrick Jackson

1,636 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: S03 Ep 03 Trouble in the Sticks UXSys 659842 (Incidentals) Phase 2
Location: Marine CO's Office

[ON]

Patrick stretched at his desk. He was struggling to stay awake. A long night without sleep and extensive exercise was trying to catch up to him. He didn't want sleep though. One, he was on duty, two, he knew what would come with sleep, and it wasn't rest. The key would be to do what all Marines did. Live off of adrenaline and caffeine. He went over to the replicator. "Coffee, black, extra strong, hot." He said and took the steaming cup of black gold. This would help get him through the rest of the shift.

He had been the first in the Gym, although he beat the next person in by a good two hours. He was sore, but it was a good sore. Stress leaving the body, or so he told himself. With the nightmares he was getting, sleep was few and far between. What he did get was not worth the time. He sat down and looked through training rosters and incoming transfers that they would be getting once they got back to Starbase 51.

Lilliana had been up early checking the marine medical facilities and making sure all the supplies they needed were there. She was pleased to find that it was well stocked. As she made her way through marine country she decided to drop her report in to Patrick, stopping outside his office she pressed the chime and waited for permission to enter.

Patrick looked up. "Enter." He said and grabbed his coffee to take a long draw from it. oO Come on coffee, don't let me down. Oo

Walking in Lilliana stood to attention as she handed over her report. “My medbay report Sir, all supplies are pretty much at expected levels.”

"At ease Sergeant, Thank you." He said taking the report from her and gave it a quick scan. "Wasn't a lot of action for the Marines on this run." He said reading. "Mostly cuts, bruising and battered egos. Medbay can't fix that last one." He smirked.

Lilli smiled as she relaxed her posture some and looked at Patrick. She couldn’t help but notice he was looking pretty worn out. “Permission to speak freely Sir?”

"Of course Sergeant." He said and looked up from the padd, giving her his full attention.

“Thank you” Lilli smiled. “Are you alright? You look completely worn out. If there’s something bothering you, you can talk to me. I am the division Counsellor after all.”

He smirked a little. "Just lack of sleep is all. I've never been that great of a sleeper and just ran into a rough patch the last couple days. Still combat ready." He said holding his coffee mug. "Speaking of, can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you Sir" Lilli smiled and took a seat infront of the desk, "Tell me about this rough patch, off the record I promise!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Is there really anything 'off the record when you speak to a Counsellor?" He asked sitting upright. "No offense intended by the way. Other then my annual exam showing I haven't crossed any line yet, I have yet to see one."

"Well it's off the record now I promise" Lilli smiled. "You can court martial me and throw me out of an airlock if I break my promise. Which I'm not going to, besides your emotions are screaming at me that something isn't right with you."

"I'm a Marine. Emotions are overrated." He said doing his best to keep a straight face delivering the line, but failed. A smile grew across his face. "Or so I tell myself. I'm no Vulcan apparently." He smirked. "Well if I've got airlock liberty then...yes, I've been having some sleeping issues." He said reluctantly. oO Dumb emotions getting me into trouble. Oo

"Emotions are not dumb" Lilli gave Patrick an apologetic look. "Sorry that happens from time to time, I wasn't purposely reading your thoughts." She ramped up her mental defences. "It won't happen again. So these sleep issues, are you having nightmares?"

He sat for a long moment. "Yeah, yeah you could say that Sergeant. Not something I'd like to have again. Seems to be a regular now." He paused. "Rarely happen before and we're always odd. Now, seems nightly."

Lilli nodded. “Do your nightmares have a particular theme? Is it the same nightmare playing over and over, or different ones?” She looked at Patrick curiously.

"It's a reoccurring theme. It parallels real events but takes a turn for the worst. Not always the same way, but the end result is still the same every time." He replied. "Real events turned out differently, and for the better. Dreams are always what could have been."

Lilli nodded understandingly. “Let me guess... the planet? Those poor colonists, and the bluegills?”

He shook his head. "Swing and a miss Sergeant. Well, maybe foul ball on that one. I did have one with the infected, but not repeating. It will eventually, they all do that on and off, but this particular set of nightmares are unique and not related to any of my kills." He said. "While we are on that, have you killed anyone Vail? Professional curiosity with your profession in the Marines."

“In all honesty...” Lilli shook her head. “No, never. I’ve never had to, yet.”

He nodded. "That's OK. I've done enough for both of us. If I can, I'll try to keep you from getting your first, as far as duty and the Marines can go. I remember every single one in almost perfect detail. All 47 of them." He paused. "They reappear in dreams now and again, but normally not. This wasn't about them. More like..." He trailed off. "What could have happened."

Lilli nodded. “Your mind going over the what if’s and making them all too real?”

He nodded. "Things could have played out much differently. I'm very glad they played as they did, but it is the could have that is my problem." He said sitting back into his chair. "Mind is a terrible thing to waste on that kind of stuff." He said. The nightmare replaying in fragmented pieces, but he knew it. Sadness, guilt, pain and even betrayal flooded his thoughts. He tried to steel himself, but it was slow pushing that much down. He was sure she caught it, probably every empath on the ship felt it he guessed.

“I can feel what you’re feeling, it can do harm than good to suppress it” Lilli offered an understanding smile. “As for the nightmares we can help sort those for you, give you a way to control the nightmares and have an escape, or even be able to control them.”

He thought for a moment. "What did you have in mind?" He asked, a little curious and a lot cautious.

“Nothing untoward I promise.” Lilli grinned. “There’s a system that other counsellors use, it’s called directed dreaming. You set yourself a queue, something you’ll remember and recognise. It could be anything you like, but when you see it in your dream that tells you that you’re dreaming. Once you know you’re dreaming you can control your dream, give yourself a doorway out or change the dream itself. I’ll get you some reading material on it, give it a try and see if it works.”

He nodded. "I can do reading material." He said and sighed. "I'm just not sure if the dreams are my brain just being active or it's trying to tell me something I don't want to know. If that even makes any sense."

Lilli nodded. “It makes perfect sense. How’s about you keep a diary of these nightmares? That way we can sit down and look, or go through it together. It can be verbal or written the choice is yours.”

He tensed a little. "I won't have any trouble remembering the dreams." He said and was quiet a long moment. "At this juncture, I'm not ready to talk about them yet. No offense Sergeant, but I'm not really sure even who I could talk about it with if I was ready. While it's not black Ops material, it's of a sensitive nature. In my book anyway."

“Okay but as marine Counsellor I am permitted to hear details of a sensitive nature” Lilli offered a smile. “But if you’re not ready then that’s fair enough.”

He returned her smile. "That you are. Maybe sensitive nature was the wrong word." He thought a moment, "more like it generates an uncomfortable situation. Far beyond speaking to a crowd in underwear uncomfortable. I do appreciate you accept my reluctance. It's something that never crossed my mind before in my years of service, so I may just need to process. Maybe a little shore leave will do the mind good."

“Hopefully it will, but if you should need or want to talk you know where to find me” Lilli offered a warm smile.

"I appreciate it." As he returned the smile. "I also appreciate what you do for the Marines. Counseling is hard enough, but we Marines don't make it easy but you are an essential part of the Corps."

“It’s what I love to do” Lilli grinned. “If I can help others then that makes me happy.”

"Good." He answered. "It seems rare in this universe that people end up with work that they can enjoy. I look forward to the reading material. Maybe just getting a way out will help solve the issue.." he said and offered his hand. "Thank you Sergeant."

Lilli shook Patrick’s hand smiling politely. “I’m always happy to help”

[OFF]

1st Lieutenant Patrick Jackson
Marine CO
USS Tomcat

Staff Sergeant Lilliana Vail
Marine Counsellor/Combat Medic
U.S.S. Tomcat

 

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