Mixed Feelings

Posted on 17 Nov 2021 @ 10:56pm by Lieutenant Commander Remington Dodd & Lieutenant Lamia ‘Mia’ Kildare
Edited on on 19 Nov 2021 @ 2:04pm

1,657 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: General Sim Postings
Location: Dodd’s quarters
Timeline: Prior to Mission

[ON]

After making a connection with Remington during his lovemaking session with someone else, Lamia decided it best to clear the air between them. Walking on eggshells around him wouldn’t help their working relationship. Making her way to his quarters she pressed the chime and waited for an answer.

Sensing someone coming to his quarters, Dodd pulled on a pair of sweatpants and replied to the door chime. "Enter".

Walking in Mia offered a warm smile. “Hi Remington, I hope you don’t mind me dropping by?”

"I had a feeling you would be coming around sooner or later," Dodd replied almost with a sense of embarrassment in his voice.

Lamia picked up on the hint of embarrassment, and offered a smile, “I’m sorry I didn’t come here to embarrass you. I just... Well, I figured we needed to, kind of clear the air?”

"I know just why you are here." Dodd said as he stood firm in front of Lamia. "I am embarrassed because my mind took over and reached out while I was compromised with another. I should not have allowed that to happen no matter what. I do have to say to you, I have an attraction for you and I know you are involved. I just was attempting to feel something other than pain and that is just what I caused you in the process."

Lamia nodded understandingly. “You didn’t hurt me Remington, but it’s a good thing I was alone at the time.” She offered an embarrassed smile. “I know you’re hurting, I’ve been trying to keep my distance outside of work hours.” She absentmindedly played with her engagement ring as she spoke. “I don’t want to be the cause of any more pain.”

"The pain is not yours to cause, it is the Orions." Dodd replied as he put a hand to his chest over his heart. "They played with us and used us. They made me love you when I was devoted to Iria. They set in motion something in me that never expected. I had bonded to Iria but the pheromones interfered and thus got my mind ajar to get me to seduce you. That bonding triggered something that linked me to you somehow. The act of love making triggered something as you were the closest mind that had some bond with mine and that is why you got my thoughts in the middle of the lustful desires of my primal state. I am amazed I did not hurt Vail while in the heat of the moment."

Lamia nodded. “Remington...” She paused for a moment. “You know how I feel about you, if it wasn’t for Chris we wouldn’t be standing here right now, we’d be in there...” She looked towards the bedroom then back at Remington. “Chris err...asked me to marry him.”

"I am aware of your situation," Dodd replied while looking down at her feet. "I know you and Chris are together and I would never expect to come between the two of you." Dodd then looked up at her and settled a look straight into her eyes. "I know you and I were put together as part of a breeding program. The feelings that I was forced to feel for you were not exactly created from the pheromones. I had feelings about you from the moment we met the very first time. However, I was bonded to Iria and she was my world. Since the bond was broken, my heart wonders and while I fight it, I try not to think of you as I want you to be happy and I know you are with Chris." Dodd then just continued to gaze in her eyes but stopped talking. ~~ You are my friend and I hope to keep you in my life in that manner for as long as we live. You are Chris' imzadi and I realize that. You are a woman of your convictions and your loyalty is to him. I will do what I can to be your friend no matter what. ~~

Lamia smiled somewhat watery-eyed. ~~ I would like that, very much! You are the father of my daughter. She might not be with us anymore but both she, and you will forever be in my heart. ~~

Dodd had a flood of emotions that were partially his and also partially Mia's. They stirred up something within him that had to come out.

"Sorry I never told you, All I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you, 'Cause you've flown away, So far away.
Never had I imagined Living without your smile, Feeling and knowing you hear me, It keeps me alive, Alive.
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many friends we've lost along the way and I know eventually we'll be together, One sweet day.

Darling I never showed you, assumed you'd always be there
I, I took your presence for granted but I always cared and I miss the love we shared. And I know you're shining down on me from heaven like so many friends we've lost along the way and I know eventually we'll be together, One sweet day.

Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day. Yeah, Lord, I know when I lay me down to sleep,
You will always listen as I pray and I know you're shining down on me from heaven like so many friends we've lost along the way and I know eventually we'll be together, One sweet day.

And I know she is shining down on us from heaven like so many friends we've lost along the way and I know eventually we'll be together, One sweet day.

Sorry, I never told you all I wanted to say."

Dodd was sure that Mia understood the words and felt the emotion it was to reflect. It was not just for their daughter for partially for his feelings for her as well.

Lamia simply stood tears running down her cheeks at the sheer emotion of the situation. She wiped her face as she offered a small smile, “That’s so beautiful” She took a deep breath calming herself down before stepping up and giving Dodd a brief hug. “I know you would have made a wonderful father...Imzadi.”

Stepping back she smiled the warmest truest smile yet at her use of the Betazoid term for beloved. “I’d best be going” She motioned towards the door. “If I don’t go now then something will happen we might both regret.”

"You are correct, and I don't ever want to regret anything with you. You are a good thing in my life and I want you in it as long as you can be. I don't want to be the cause of any pain in your life moving forward." Dodd replied stepping behind a chair to hide some of his emotional states.

Lamia nodded and started towards the door, moments later she paused, turned back and practically threw herself into a passionate kiss. She let it linger for a few moments before pulling herself away, giving him a tears eyed look she headed back towards the door.

So fully of shock and surprise, Dodd just stood there in awe as she kissed him very passionately and while he enjoyed the sensation of her lips against his, he had to remember that she was taken. As she stepped back towards the door, he was only thinking one thing. Joy. She brought him so much joy that he could not classify the emotion in any other light from what just happened.

"You need to keep your word to Kildare and not let me be the one thing that causes you to split up or make trouble between the two of you." Dodd then also had a tear well up in the bottom of his left eye and he made a fist with his right hand to help him control the emotions welling up inside of him to make the joy he felt seem to be moved aside.

Lamia paused where she stood and looked back at Remy. “I wouldn’t...couldn’t do that to Chris. I love you both with all my heart. If you knew how much I wanted to be with you right now...” Her eyes drifted towards the bedroom door before she fought the urge and looked away again.

Dodd stood there fighting thoughts that he knew she should not sense from him. He held back for the sake of his friend and hope she would sense that he needed her to go and be with Kildare. He knew she would hate herself more than he would hate himself if her thoughts of his bed ripped apart what she has with Kildare.

"Go and I will see you on the bridge or elsewhere on the ship," Dodd stated with a firm tone and yet he was still feeling the joy she gives him. "I am and always shall be your friend."

Lamia nodded, offering a more relieved smile at the more authoritarian tone Dodd had taken with her. “Aye Sir...Thank you.” With that, she headed out of the door.

Dodd felt a huge flood of guilt as Arderne left his quarters, he did feel a love for her but he had to fight it back and make it the plutonic love of friendship as he needed her in his life and he knew she could not be his lover. He had to do what he felt he had to do to keep the wall built between their hearts. He did love her and always would, but he needed to be the stronger person and keep that love only as friends.

[OFF]

LT Lamia Arderne
Chief Counsellor

LT CMDR Remington Dodd
First Officer

 

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