Sorry butters no parsnips

Posted on 26 Aug 2022 @ 7:52am by Lieutenant JG Ted Silver

587 words; about a 3 minute read

Mission: General Sim Postings
Location: East London Earth, USS Tomcat
Timeline: Just after jp :A not so perfect program

[ON]

-Wanstead,East London,England,Earth-
-Three ferrets public house-
-One year ago-

The fist whistled through the air narrowly missing Silver's face. However his would-be attacker never got to try again. As the green clawed muscle packed arm of the pub's Gorn door keeper. Grabbed the man by the groin and dragged him out. His high pitched screams could still be heard. Once he was outside.

Ted moved over to his friend. Who was slumped over his pint of beer. Silver gave his friend a poke.

“ Come David, it's time to go. Unless you want Toval to drag you out by the privates too.” Ted said to his friend.

“Janet.” David said

“ Don’t blame me. I warned you she was no good.” He said

“ Janet Linda Smythe. I call her Linda.She was my gal Ted.My girl.” David said

Ted lifted his friend off the table and dragged him towards the doors. The gorn returned and stared at them.

“ We are going. We are going.” Ted told Toval.

The big reptile nodded and lumbered away.

“ Yep. You sure did. You know what. My good buddy. I will give you my beach program. The one you like. Just for being my pal and trying to keep me away from Linda. Yes old buddy. Yes.”David said

“ I’ll wait until you're sober. In case this is just the beer talking.” Ted said

“ Whatsotsaying I mean whatsitsongby naw oh poo.” David said then collapsed out cold.

-USS Tomcat-

-Present day-


Ted sat at the comm station and ran his fingers over the display. It took an hour but soon the face of his friend appeared.

=/\= Ted! My old chum, how are you? Have you had a nose job? I kind of liked the old one personally.=/\=

=/\= Yes. Thanks to you and your ruddy perfect program! =/\=

=/\= Oh come on my old chum. A raucous game of energetic beach volleyball is not that bad. It’s all that good food they serve on those Akira Class vessels. Those replicators can sure fill up a man’s trousers.=/\=

=/\= Well. Your raucous energetic beach volleyball players. Turned into a braying mob out for me and my friends' blood.You sent me your revenge program which I told you not to write by the way. Instead of the other one. Where I did not have to have a new nose and my friends did not get hurt. Plus having to explain to Captain Somers why her officers. Needed hospital treatment.So expect a call from Starfleet security.=/\=

=/\= Oh my. Ted I am so sorry. This should not of happened. One of your friends DNA must be an almost perfect match for that bitch. It should of scanned you all and played the safe version. I am so sorry. Yes yes you are correct. But you know they sent me a video of their wedding night. It pushed me over the edge and I added the second program. But it was supposed to scan the participants first. Then if there was a DNA match.Play the revenge version. It wouldn’t of killed anyone. Just put her new husband out of order. So they could not perform any bedroom gymnastics on each other for a while. Ted I am mortified.=/\=

=/\= Well you should be. Well you should be.=/\= Ted said and on hearing his friends door chime wring. He cut the link.

[OFF]

 

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