Starting over

Posted on 14 Sep 2022 @ 9:09am by 2nd Lieutenant Cassandra Mathews

635 words; about a 3 minute read

Mission: General Sim Postings
Location: lounge
Timeline: shortly after arrival.

ON:


Cassandra was not in any hurry to check in with her old unit. If anything she was dreading it more than anything else. Still if she expected to remain in the Marines she would need to move past this unease and go check in. Still she needed a few moments to gather herself before she went back into 'Everything is okay' Mode. Or as her latest therapist called it her 'Robot mode'. Cassi took the time she needed to feel. It was important to feel after all, that is what made us human. Or some old jazz like that.

Cassandra could not help but recall the last time she had come through these halls. It seemed like a whole other life ago. Now her foster parents were dead, C'Tirr was dead. Leaving her orphaned twice now in her life. She took a few deep breaths so as to ease the tightness in her chest. She would not cry, not now. She carried her bag and everything she owned in the world was in it. She could not think for the life of her what she was doing back here. She shifted in her seat. Then checked the time again. She had a few hours still. She glanced down the bar one way and then the other. It was all but empty. Only she and a very few others seemed to be indulging in the bar keeps company so early in the day. Or maybe this was their evening. Who was she to judge. She had not made many friends back on her first deployment to the TomCat. A fact she was now regretting deeply. She could use a friend.

Cassi pushed her empty glass back toward the bar keep. He came over and refilled it with more water and ice. Cassi thanked him and sipped it slowly. Her palms were sweating despite her cold beverage and her hands shook from the pent up anxiety. oO At least I am not the XO this go around Oo she reminded herself. She hoped the reminder would help sooth her. Sadly it hadn't. oO How delightful. A year of therapy and the shakes are back. Oo She mused to her self with bitter condemnation. She had been told to expect a few set backs, but this was worse than Cassandra could have ever imagined. She felt like she was falling apart. She felt like she was floundering with out a life ring in a ocean of chaotic feelings that threatened to drowned her at any moment. Then the worst happened. First one tear, followed in short order by anther. Cassi ducked her head in humiliation and wiped at the offending trails of moister with great offence. She was stronger then this. She was stronger then grief. It was just anther enemy to conquer. Just anther battle to be won.

Even as she told herself that she felt more tears replace the first few. She couldn't help it. The memory was like a movie in her mind. She and her brother and... Silver.. Yeah some guy from hydroponics or something... They had come here and ate on her and C'Tirr's first night here. It had been a fiasco. She felt her lip tremble and reached into her bag for her medication. oO How weak Oo she said to herself as she took the mood stabilizers and then finished her water again. oO It will be okay, Everything is fine. Your home right? the 95th. Nothing to be worried about. Your in the best hands. right? Oo It was the only family she had left. The only place left that held any memories of joy. No matter how brief. She check the clock again. An hour and a half. She pushed her glass back out for the bar keep.

 

RSS Feed