The weary walk home

Posted on 05 Dec 2023 @ 2:12pm by Lieutenant Colonel Alexandria Somers & 2nd Lieutenant Cassandra Mathews

2,140 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: S3 Episode 5: Diplomatic Incident/Hydaransz Again (Incidentals)
Location: SB51/USS Tomcat CRR
Timeline: After the Return of the Roosevelt 3 Weeks After Serina's Visit to see the Captain in Medical

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Cassandra counted the last of her team off the transport. Her eyes surveyed the docking area looking for her brother's familiar face. He wasn't there. Still, there was nothing upsetting he was probably busy with all the mission debriefings and all the other chaos that came with these endeavours. She took her time helping move gear to the transport line before heading over to where the Tomcat crew was to rendezvous with the quartermasters to get all signed in again to their proper places. Cassandra didn't get into the line right away. She lingered back and waited. She waited until she had to leave and gave her field report and debriefing. When her brother hadn't shown up after this, she began to ask about him. Everyone she asked directed her to the door of Colonel Somers. This was when Cassandra began to worry.

Double-checking to make sure that the Colonel was in, Cassandra waited as her presence was announced by the yeoman at the door.

Alex was in the CRR when a fresh-faced Yeoman announced the arrival of an officer she was not exactly familiar with, she had been finalizing her duty files and preparing for the makeshift Awards ceremony when the Yeoman made his announcement, she wondered where Lucy was "Yes, come on in Lieutenant Matthews" Somers said with a smile that was tired but friendly.

Cassandra entered and gave the customary coming to attention, and respective salute. Once she was given leave she spoke, "I appreciate you seeing me without an appointment. It's just. My brother was on an away team and I was wondering if they had gotten back yet. Everyone I have asked keeps telling me I must talk to you about it."

Returning the salute "At ease Lieutenant, have you a seat" Somers said indicating the chair in front of the desk. After Matthews sat she bent over and opened a bottom drawer and pulled out two Shot glasses and some Saurian Brandy and poured two glasses and handed one to Matthews "You have my permission and I figure you are going to need it" she said.

Cassandra stared at the glass and felt that ominous feeling creeping in. She drew on her military barring to keep from dropping it as her fingers began to go numb. Nothing good ever came from being offered a hard drink in Cassandra's limited experience in such matters. She certainly found no comfort in what the colonel had to say next.

*Pause* "Your brother Ensign K';Ruuras, correct!" Somers paused with no response so she took that as an affirmative "We had two casualties, one was fatal and he did not make it off the station on his own feet, the other got a serious head injury and had to be placed into an induced coma to save his higher brain functions, Lieutenant Haze lost his life sadly, he died doing his job, Ensign K'Ruuras was the one placed into a coma, he has been moved to Starfleet Medical on Starbase 51, you need only go speak to the base doctor to see him, but your brother survived but is in Medical" Somers said.

It was like a double punch to the gut. At first, she thought she'd perhaps heard Alex wrong. Then as the words swirled in her mind like a tempest she found herself glad to have sat down when offered. Cassandra wasn't much of a drinker. Had no use for the stuff, she had enough problems with her head without adding more chaos to the mix. Still, she stared down into the amber liquid and contemplated what she should be asking. What she should be doing next. She had barely known Lieutenant Haze, He had saved her miserable neck once though and she never really got to thank him for it. It was the next wave of grief-struck pain that brought the glass to her lips and emptied it. It was smooth, Yet Cassandra still found it hard to swallow past the lump rising in her throat. She had killed him. She knew in the logical part of her mind that this was not possible and couldn't be true. Still, She felt like, had he never met her maybe he might have been spared by the universe. oO No stupid if you never met him he would have been killed by Rhys in that service tunnel on the Tomcat, remember? For sticking up for that security girl. Oo She went to take another drink and of course, the glass was still empty. He had two little girls, He was going to take them fishing on the holodeck when they came to visit him next. Now there was no next time. No fishing, no visit except to a grave marker. She felt her hand tremble slightly. Thankfully she was managing to keep herself together for now. She turned her mind to something less painful.

"Thank you..., I should uh... I should go and see to my br ... To Ensign K'Ruuras. I... I appreciate everything done to help bring him back alive. He and Martha are all I have left. I can't even have her with me for her own safety. I.." Cassandra didn't know what else to say. Her mind was looping like a caged creature back to poor Haze and how he would never get the opportunity to know his daughters now either. So how can she complain? "He um... Saved my life once... Lieutenant Haze. He might have saved a woman in security as well unbeknownst to him. He was a good m..man." She felt one hot tear finally make a break for it and tumble down. oO No! not here you fool! Stop! Oo So Cassandra wiped it away and took a few deep breaths to gain back her control.

Seeing how broken up Matthews was "Have you another shot," Somers said refilling her shot glass, then putting the bottle away "It may seem bad now, but at least C'Tirr will pull through as for Lieutenant Haze, it may seem a bit cold, but there is nothing you can do for him, but all you can do is remember him and his life, that is the best way to honour him" she paused as she emptied her shot glass.

"You do not know this but when I was a corporal before I got a field commission many years ago I was on a mission where I lost my closest friend, we were inseparable but that mission changed me forever, now I occasionally see and speak to my long dead friend, I am not joking usually on Remembrance day or the holidays she may visit, so I find that comfort but any hurt will get easier over time, but it takes time. Where your brother is concerned hope is all you have now, just like Pandora who let all the ills into the world but managed to keep hope safe, or so the legend goes, but the sentiment is valid" Somers said.

Cassandra listened to the colonel's words absorbing the comfort that they provided. Yes, there was hope. Cassandra could also relate to seeing that long-dead. When she was much younger she used to sometimes see her father. He'd come and sit at the foot of her bed. He would apologise for leaving her. He would tell her how proud he was of her and how beautiful she was becoming. For years... She often thought it was just a manifestation of her longing for him to come home as he promised. A Childs's dream, a desperate hope. Then she lost him again, slowly as she forgot his smile, then his eyes, then his face, until even his voice was gone. Like her mothers. Cassandra knew she could look them up. See their faces and hear recordings of their voices. But everyone had kept telling her that she needed to forget and move forward. So she had done what they said to do. "The pain, It never really goes away does it?" Cassandra finally said her blue eyes searching the other woman's face.

"They say it does, that it gets easier, better even. But it doesn't. The truth is you just learn how to survive and eventually how to live without them. Or that has been my experience. I envy that you are strong enough to keep your friend with you. I have never been that brave. I don't even know why I became a Marine anymore. If it was for me, or for my father. To try and connect to him and understand him without having to remember him perhaps. I joined star fleet at first to follow my brother. Then as I grew up and went into the academy I just suddenly didn't want to follow him anymore. I wanted a life that was my own. It's why I changed careers mid-term. I told myself I was doing it for myself. In reality, I think I was just running back to the last thing I remembered before my father died. Back to the beginning." She drank the shot given to her. It went down easier this time. It caused a nice warmth to spread through her a little.

Cassandra took a deep breath. "Nothing is ever really forgotten, even when we try our hardest to forget. The people who mean the most to you will always find a way to stay with us. I remember how proud I was to be chosen for the 95th rifles. It was the first time I wondered in my life if my father would have been proud of me. Strange as it sounds I really feel like he was and still is, It's just a feeling but it's there and it's real. It's a part of him I think that has tried to stay with me. It's a hard thing to explain, But I think you understand it better than even I do."

*Looking at the Rifle Officer with compassion* "No El-tee, Nothing is forgotten, nothing is ever forgotten" Then she brightened up a little and sighed "Okay, I think that is about done, if you have no other questions I will let you prepare for Shore Leave, but be ready to be called to an impromptu Awards ceremony" Somers said indicating she did not have anything else to say but gave Cassie the option to ask more if she so desired.

Cassandra was able to look past her own self-pity to remember something. "I am not sure how much of my mission report you will see. I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for the Echo team and for the incident that happened aboard the mining station. Barrett is lucky to still be alive. I am so grateful that no one was killed in the explosion... If you are all considering putting out awards I'd like very much to point out that Doctor Olivia Steele, Corporal Afton and Lieutenant Harley performed above and beyond what was needed and it was by then we still completed our objective the station that was destroyed as was the desired result" she paused.

"We even managed to find a survivor... I know I should put it through my MXO Falk but she has her hands full. Not to assume you don't. I just, want you to know that they, did a damn good job. speaking of that MXO of ours. Mazal is one of the finest I have had the privilege of working with in a long time. She's the kind of officer you hope to have to look out for you. You can tell that she cares about everyone under her command. I know that she has helped me a lot in understanding my place in this family. You would be foolish not to promote her." Cassandra got up.

Though she was still a little upset not knowing what to expect in the future with her brother. Would he pull through again? She hoped he would. But she didn't have to be afraid of being alone. As Captain Falk had said, Cassandra was part of a bigger family if she chose to be. She felt stronger knowing that. Or maybe it was the Saurian Brandy. Somehow she hadn't fallen apart though and actually felt very calm and clear-minded about what she needed to go do next. "With your permission, I'll go and take my leave then."

*stands up* "Permission is given Lieutenant," Somers said and watched the Rifle Officer leave, when the doors had closed again she sighed commanding was not an easy task.

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